Episode 05 咨询师Barry Michels不建议家长告诉孩子痛苦的必要性，直接让孩子经历痛苦就是了，你赞同吗？

Hey, what's up? Liu Yan here. Welcome to a new episode of They Said.

In case this is your first time listening, let me do a quick self-plug. They Said is a new program I launched recently. In each episode, I'll share a few clips from some of the most fascinating interviews I have come across. The interviewees are all prominent figures who have taught me great lessons in one way or another. Since I believe in lifelong learning, I hope these lessons will also help you in some capacity.

All right, let's get down to business.

The first clip I'm gonna share today is from Jodi Kantor. She is one of the New York Times investigative journalists who won a Pulitzer Prize for breaking the Harvey Weinstein story back in 2017. Along with her colleague Megan Twohey, Jodi helped countless women tell their #MeToo stories and changed the course of history forever.

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One thing Jodi said stood out to me. She said the confounding thing is that so much has changed, and so much hasn't changed. That is so true. I personally know quite a number of women who have been on the receiving end of inappropriate behavior or remarks from their male bosses or colleagues, and yet still refuse to talk about such issues. I understand that it's a personal choice, and no one has the right to force them to say anything, but it breaks my heart to know that, time and time again, the reason they don't speak up, is because somehow they think women are supposed to be nice, and not to cause any trouble.

I am not making this up. Someone I know very well told me in so many words, "But I really don't want to be difficult. He just made some indecent jokes. I don't want him to lose his job. I'm a caring person in nature."

Well, she should listen to what Barry Michels has to say. Barry is a prominent psychotherapist and bestselling author.

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I completely second that. Yes, in general, entitlement is a terrible thing, but under the right circumstances, it can be a good thing. I sincerely hope more people, especially women, remember that we are all entitled to say what's on our minds. And this goes far beyond MeToo type of situations. Be it a romantic relationship, a work assignment, or a family problem, if you have something to say, say it. Speak your truth. At the very least, you are entitled to that. Don't worry if you will inconvenience others. Put yourself first. Taking care of yourself doesn't equal being selfish or difficult, OK?

Barry Michels also has something interesting to say about parenting. I'm not a parent, but I find it illuminating all the same.

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I don't necessarily agree with Barry, but I can see where he's coming from. Obviously, he believes in doing, or seeing results, more than he believes in just talking. Given that he's a professional therapist, that's kind of surprising. But it does jibe with the stereotype that men like to solve problems, while women like to talk about problems.

I'm proud of my feminine qualities, so yeah, I like talking about problems. Even with kids. If I have a kid someday, I'd like to talk things out with them, instead of giving orders and telling them to "just do it". Barry may not take my side here, but I'm sure Kerry Washington will have my back.

If you follow pop culture at all, you know Kerry Washington played the iconic role of Olivia Pope on the super bingable TV show Scandal. In real life, she is a mom with two kids.

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I don't know about you, but I feel like that perfectly harkens back to what Jodi Kantor said about #MeToo and the need for women to speak up. "I'm fine. Everything's fine. There's nothing to talk about." Guess what? Everything's not fine, and you do need to talk about it.

If you are a parent, maybe start with your kids. Make sure they remember that.

That's it for today. If this is your first time listening to They Said, I hope you go back and listen to the previous episode or episodes. It's truly a labor of love. I'm Liu Yan. Let's learn and grow together. See you next time!